Monday, July 9, 2012

Can you juggle?

Because I can't, and I desperately need someone to show me how.

I've been completely MIA, and I apologize.

I know some of you know what's going on with me, and I think it's only fair to give the rest of you the low down. 

6 months ago I made the decision to leave my husband for several reasons that don't need to be expressed here.  But it was my decision, and let's be clear that this is what I wanted.  But, I had to move into my parents' house, and my daughter and I have been there since.  It's difficult, and it's been an adjustment not just for us, but for my parents as well.  While we've all finally grown accustomed to sharing the kitchen, the washer and dryer, and every one's space, it's still hard to not have my own space.  I know it's hard for them as well.

I'm in the middle of an ugly divorce with someone who is completely unreasonable, and uncooperative.   This has taken a huge toll on me, in addition to my daughter whom I'm trying my damnedest to allow this to affect her as little as possible. 

I've lost all motivation to work out.  My eating is horrible, and I'm back up to 230 lbs, lowest being 211.   So, a 19 lb regain.  It's not the end of the world, but to be honest, it's the last thing I think about.  I often lay awake at night, allowing my mind to wander about all these things going on in my life.

"Is Grace OK?"
"What if she's not?"
"I'm sticking to my plan to move out in a year"
"What if I can't save enough money?"
"What if I can't find a place?"
"Can I do it on my own?"

I tend to focus on things I cannot change, or things I have no control over, which causes me to consume myself with worry, and continued anguish.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you all of this, considering my blog is about weight loss and eating...  but I guess my point is that the curve balls of life that have been thrown my way in the past 6 months have really screwed me up.  I've tried to catch them as they came, but I haven't been successful.  I'm finding it extremely difficult to juggle it all.   Work, my daughter, friends, family, relationships, gym, eating right, etc.   How do I get back to my routine?  How do I find that balance again?   I miss my happy place, but I'm headed to Gold's Gym tonight to see if I left it there.